Condolences from Cristie-Jo Fitzpatrick

I never thought I would be so lost. As tears lined my eyes tonight at your funeral, I looked around and I had never seen so many people cling to the walls in a single room. I saw you lying there eyes closed, hands crossed, all made up.. I wasn't ready for that kind of thing. In fifty years I still wouldn't be.

I let those same walls crumble around me as I let someone I barely knew rub my back. This young girl assured me it was going to be okay. Truth is, someday it will be. But, this moment, this point in time. Its not.

We were asked to come up and share a few words, I walked up caring a million thoughts in my head, but by the time I spoke only few fell out. I wanted to tell these people, tell your mom, your dad, your friends... that I loved you more then I have ever loved anyone in my life. I wanted them to know that I was sorry for refusing to kiss you on your prom night, I was scared and so were you. also at the talent show, you dedicated that song to me. I was so embarrassed, and I loved every second of it.

I know your time here was limited, fuck, I hate god for doing that to us. But in all realization, you were the only persons who's laughter spread like wildfire on a blistering summer day. I'm sorry that I blew you off so many times, If I wasn't so indulged in my own life I would have pushed to have spent more time with you. If I only knew how much I would miss you, how much I would want to just hold you, dance with you, take you to Forrest park again (which was in the middle of nowhere but we found our way home) I would tell you that I was selfish and that I was sorry.

truth be told, I'm afraid of what the future holds without you CW. You were the only person I could run to when shit got shitty. I guess I got to say my goodbyes, but that will never be enough.

so, I will push myself to spend more time with the people that I care about, From all of this bullshit god has put me, your friends and your family through. I thank him for the time I had with you. I really hope your mom calls me or something because I know shes hurting.

I love you.
your C-Joe